Functioning with ADHD

[AuntGlow]

Acknowledging this is so brave @creative_writer. Being honest really does help, and even though it's scary, you're still doing it. Let's take a moment to revel in this please!

Perhaps focusing on tending to the underlying need here and soothing it could be helpful? Is that something we could try? 

I am glad to know you are safe. 💛

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I know it takes a lot of courage. I feel kinda stupid since my supports already asked me about eating during my first face to face sessions with them. I’ve seen this psych since the beginning of the year and my pdoc for longer. Maybe I just didn’t realise. Though my mindsets are still very disordered, even when on the new diet plan. Can’t say I’m following it perfectly and I’m still very obsessive. Can’t say too much without breaking guidelines.

I’m not sure what is going on, or maybe it’s a combination. I feel super stimulated, anxious, racing thoughts, but I’m also super depressed and miserable. I also SH tonight (but I’m okay). I don’t know what is going on in my mind, is it a mixed episode or adhd? Or both? I’m not quite sure

[AuntGlow]

Like you mentioned, sometimes we aren't quite ready to 'go there'. It took me aaages to voice the things I was most ashamed of in therapy, and it was a huge weight lifted when I did - but it was a long time before I got to that point, so be gentle with yourself. You've only just done the thing! @creative_writer 

It sounds like things are very heightened and I can only imagine how distressing that must feel for you... if you can, try to look at one thing you can control each moment and go from there. So, maybe a shower will help you to regulate, for example. 

You've got this, and we will be here, so know you're not alone. 💛

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow it’s tricky, sometimes shame keeps us stuck. It’s been hard, I’m anxious about how my pdoc will react.

It’s been tricky, so the thing with PRN is it settles you for a bit, then the symptoms return full force. It’s not very helpful for longer periods of time. There is no peace in my mind. I got through this morning, but didn’t do much. I have a ton of things to do but my mind is too scattered. Too many thoughts, food anxiety, trauma and general sense of unease. Hard to shake off SI and SH, but I’m safe, if I do SH I will do it safely. I guess all I can do is do self soothing things like breathing, and engaging in relaxing activities, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough

[creative_writer]

Just SH because I could resist, but I’m okay. I seem to f everything up lately

[AuntGlow]

Shame really does keep us stuck... hypothetically say that I came to you with these thoughts and feelings, how would you provide a compassionate space for me? @creative_writer 

It sounds like the PRN allows you a little room to bring in your grounding strategies. However, I get that this is easier said than done with a busy mind and activated body. 

I can hear you have self-harmed but that you are safe, and I appreciate you letting me know. You haven't effed anything up, it sounds like things were feeling very intense for you.

What could you do to create some soothing for yourself now (something safe)? 💛

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I think it’s easier to say compassionate things to someone else. I would acknowledge how hard you are trying and how brave you’ve been.

Essentially PRN does not really stabilise mood, it only provides short term relief. It sort of delays mood instability and might help you sleep. Maybe I’m disappointed, my old PRN would stabilise me and help me sleep, I could feel the effects carry on to the next day for longer. I reckon I might be in one of those mixed bipolar episodes. Impulsivity goes up, I felt like I had to SH in order to survive.

I’m struggling to create space, I can barely do anything. I want try praying but my mind feels too overwhelmed. When mind switches to crisis mode, I’m not entirely sure what to do. I’ve tried logging in my thoughts but still ended up SHing. Sorry, it feels like I’ve tried but there seems like no end.

My psych did suggest a hospital stay to get meds right, but not sure if I can do that. It’s too complicated with family and I’m scared of being hospitalised

[creative_writer]

Not sure how I’m going to get sleep tonight, brain is too full

[tyme]

What would be helpful @creative_writer ???

I feel like having a really long and hot shower. Does that work for you?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I'm too tired to have a shower. What I have planned for the rest of this evening? Prayer, skincare and getting ready for bed. I need to get up at some point to start doing all that.

I need to try to be kind towards myself, but I feel horrible after eating, physically and mentally. Intrusive thoughts are firing too. I know I don't need to act on them, but they feel strong. I'm safe.

Not sure what to do more long term, I'll wait and see what my pdoc says when I have an appointment in two weeks