Constant flashbacks

[AuntGlow]

Ah, this is great awareness to have @creative_writer. It sounds like a sensory toolkit for grounding goes a long way for you. 🥰

I was performing (singing and acting). But I do some directing too and I think my next project will be focused on that. ☺️

That's completely fair, it's hard to balance it all. How is uni feeling? 

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I didn’t know you could sing or act. That’s pretty cool. Directing sounds pretty cool too. I hope you enjoy your next project 😊.

It has been feeling challenging with uni, I’ve applied for extensions because it’s been super hard to concentrate. Hopefully I’ll hear back soon

[AuntGlow]

I have my moments. 😜 @creative_writer 

Thank you.

I know you were thinking about some support around managing vulnerable content - have you been able to talk about that with your tutors at all?

Extensions are more than okay, especially if you're finding concentration hard and you want to take that extra time to sit with the work.

Have you still been chatting to your uni friend? I wonder if they could be a study-buddy? 🫶

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow if I do think about it, you do seem like one of those theatre kids 😜.

I haven't encountered triggering content for a while, I'm just not sure how to approach it because it does feel sensitive. Though there probably are staff members I feel more comfortable talking to than others.

I've been in touch with people at uni, I've been having classes and have two more weeks to go. I do have my friend who I feel more comfortable with, I've been in touch with them. I feel like I get autistic shutdown and then reaching out for support gets harder. It's a bit easier through text, I can't seem to pick up the phone and call or talk to people or helplines. Sometimes I do feel like I wait too long to reach out to a helpline, I know I don't need to wait till the SI (I'm safe) kicks in, it's been really rough since yesterday

[Jynx]

Hiya @creative_writer 😊

I am so glad that you are in a much better place with medication, being able to accept that it's about getting to a point of stability that allows you to better work on your recovery journey. 

How often do you have psych appts? Have you been able to reflect more on the 'good client' concept? I wonder if it is related to the fact that you're also studying mental health, and as such you have some idea about what it's like to be in the therapist's seat? I could be way off the mark though!

I also saw your post from this morning about feeling like you do sometimes wait too long to start reaching out when you're struggling. I know that when we're super dysregulated, that step of actually making a phone call can be all too daunting. Have you had better luck with utilising text-based crisis services? 

I wonder if you could somehow remind yourself (like writing a little note and pinning it up somewhere easily seen for example) of the benefits of early intervention? 

Hope you're travelling along okay and getting some sunshine when you can 🌞💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx sometimes other people in our lives may not realise medication may be needed at times, it is hard not to internalise that. My pdoc would feel very uncomfortable making any significant changes because I'm too high risk.

I'm seeing my psych 1-2 weeks, I saw her last week, not sure if it was a good idea to go with 2 weeks, it's the end of the week anyways, my psych only works Monday to Thursdays.

I don't know if it is related to studies. I think it's natural to feel annoyed sometimes with clients in therapy and vice versa. Though annoyance could be caused by many things and I know it doesn't mean the client is a "bad client".

I don't know if the is a ND thing, but sometimes it's not actually about the anxiety of reaching out but the difficulty in getting words out. Maybe it is a sign I've waited too long. I can reach out to a helpline but sometimes I struggle to communicate what I need because I no longer know what I need, my mind goes to a dark place. I've been finding that it's been full on since yesterday with SI (but safe). I do find text a bit easier and tend to do text over phone calls.

I hope today has been kind to you and you got some sunshine 💜

[tyme]

Considering how hard things can be sometimes, you are doing an amazing job with uni, your health, and everything else!

Are you still volunteering? @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme it is a lot, just taking it one step at a time. I haven’t been volunteering recently, they’ve been checking on me to see when I am thinking of going back. I haven’t taken shifts since the beginning of the year. I haven’t responded yet, I’ve been busy with uni but I’ve also had a spike in suicidal thoughts (I’m safe) recently and I don’t think it’s healthy for me to take shifts just yet.

How has your day been?

[Jynx]

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@creative_writer wrote:

I don't know if the is a ND thing, but sometimes it's not actually about the anxiety of reaching out but the difficulty in getting words out. Maybe it is a sign I've waited too long. I can reach out to a helpline but sometimes I struggle to communicate what I need because I no longer know what I need, my mind goes to a dark place. I've been finding that it's been full on since yesterday with SI (but safe). I do find text a bit easier and tend to do text over phone calls.

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@creative_writer Something someone mentioned to me recently has actually stuck in my brain that I will share, could be relevant - they said 'the more I avoid doing something, the harder it is to do it.' 

Phone calls are very much like that for me, the more I avoid or put off making and taking them, the more dread and procrastination becomes apparent. Though, it could be a non-verbal-as-a-result-of-distress type of thing too, when it comes to reaching out during a difficult or challenging time. Text-based communication gives more time to regulate in between responses. I reckon that so long as you feel your support needs can be met, whatever avenue you choose is the right one 😊

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it does feel harder to do something if you avoid it for so long. Social withdrawal feeds more social withdrawal. Logically I know there are people who would be willing to support me if I let them. My stupid hyper-independent brain tells me I can do it on my own. Once I'm thrown in the deep, I'm like "shit I need to reach out for support or I might not be able to stay safe". I reach out to helplines then through text. I've been in contact twice today because today has just been awful. Sometimes it can be hard to communicate during those times what I need because I'm not thinking and I'm having overwhelming SI.

I'm hoping my night meds calm me and I wake up feeling better. I took my PRN today because I felt like I wouldn't make it. The urges haven't disappeared yet, but I can keep myself safe. I've been having SI and SH thoughts. I think I'm too overwhelmed to even engage in SH safely, so I've been trying to resist those urges too