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Senior Contributor

Self blame

Because I’m a victim of sexual assault I self blame I’ve been doing it for too long and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself yesterday i cracked with a few tears my friends where able to cheer me i just need someone to help me forgive myself because i know it’s not my fault but I can’t see it like that 


Re: Self blame

@Evie1  I understand exactly what you're saying. Your head knows it's not your fault, but your emotions/feeling don't seem to agree. I've found talking to someone I respect helpful, but that's not an easy ask, I know that. Finding a good fit is hard.

Im glad you have friends to cheer you up, even if it's for short periods of time. Can you believe some of the things they tell you about yourself?

If you can, look around the forum, there are others here who understand. You are welcome to join conversations. Welcome to the forums.

Re: Self blame

I’ve been told i asked for it when I was crying out in pain 

Re: Self blame

Oh, @Evie1  So awful. So very awful. Feeling with you right now as I just don't have the right words. We both know that's not true, let's just sit with that. 💜💕💜💕

Re: Self blame

hi @Evie1 it isnt your fault and never ever will be. the person who assaulted you knew what they were doing. there isnt anything about you that you need to forgive.
as someone who has experienced sexual assualt as well, i understand the self blame and so many other things that come along with this.
i havent really spoken to anyone about this either but by talking to others here ive found it helpful in working through my emotions and thoughts.
have you had support for what your going through?

Re: Self blame

I tried that it’s hard to talk about it so I found it very unhelpful 

Re: Self blame

Hi @Evie1, please know that it is not your fault. We're sorry to hear that you've been carrying this with you and have been unable to find help. There are services and people out there that will be able to help you forgive yourself and move forward. 


You may be interested in reading this SANE blog post about myths regarding trauma.

Additionally, have you been able to connect with 1800 Respect? 1800 Respect for survivors of sexual assault, domestic and family violence and you can contact them on 1800 737 732. They may be able to put you in touch with local resources and you may find someone who you are comfortable talking to. Heart

Re: Self blame

Hi @Evie1, and @Ali11, @outlander , @Maggie 


@Evie1, I too know this pain and know how hard it is not only forgive yourself but eventually believe that it's not your fault. I too have had comments that fuel self blame and it makes it harder when you start to wonder are they right. I dont know your circumstances but finding the right help or person to talk to helps. It's not easy either I found it harder because it was fuelled with the inability to trust anyone who said they were there to help because growing they hurt me the most. I eventually found a psych who caught on to this and for about a year we just talked about random thing until eventually she got me to open still to this day do not know how she got me to start talking about it because everytime I think about its like I just started talking about it on my own. 


Trust is the biggest issue for most I also found that talking to someone that has no connection to the situation helps for me that was a person I had never met before. Dont expect just talking to help either I had to learn different strategies to help keep myself calm especially in triggering situations.

And almost anything can be a trigger if it can be linked the situation. For me my main trigger was a specific men's deodorant spray and unfortunately it was extremely popular.


Strategies I learnt to use was meditation, self care activites that I get enjoyment from like colouring, slow deep breathing and grounding techniques. I mainly use 54321 technique.

Re: Self blame

My psychologist helps me 

Re: Self blame

im glad your psychologist helps you @Evie1
does anything else help?
do you think you could speak with your psychologist and let her know your struggling with self blame?

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